Rust

Inside me an empty hollow resounds throughout,
I stare around with empty eyes unable to cry out,
The pain that has been haunting me since ages,
Eats me away slowly as the rusted war still rages.
I see you in front of me, and everybody else,
As my heart burns silently and my wound revels,
In injury but I still smile and let you know I'm fine,
Because I know that the suffering should all be mine.

I have myself only to blame,
For my invisible tears,
And I don't feel ashamed to claim,
To have surrendered to my own fears.
The fear of losing you,
Keeps me within me,
And if only I had a clue,
True to you I would be.

The chasm that separates us is too vast,
To be bridged with ease and so fast,
But I promise you that even though I can't let you in,
I would tirelessly never stop fighting from within.
I can't let my ghosts haunt you,
And make you fight against things you would never do.
My heart is pure I can assure,
But I'm not sure I can find a cure.

But now I take a stand and begin to fight,
I can't lose you, I have lost enough,
But my shadow is too strong for my might,
And I fall down to an endless night above.

I lose my senses, I lose me now,
But I've to stay awake; awake somehow,
You look worried and hold my hand,
And I know I won't lose, no I can't.
I pick myself up, firm my resolve,
With your touch my courage evolves,
Then you look, and smile at me,
And I know what I have to be.

A warrior who has to bury his past,
And have to start a life anew,
With you, my love, I can be at last,
The man in me that you always knew.

My First Novel: Chapter 10

Previous: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9

10

It began to rain as soon as I entered my room, after finishing my dinner. My heart was still beating vigorously. It became faster as the raindrops beat harder on the roof. I sat on the bed for a moment looking out of the window. I realized the fact that the windows were open and the rain was coming in after a long time. I got up quickly and shut the gaping window close. Then I went for the other two windows – one on the opposite wall looking at the backyard below, and the other overlooking the balcony. Then I lunged for the balcony door from where a steady brook of rainwater was flowing into the room, as it lacked a threshold.

I caught hold of the door, but I suddenly stopped doing what I was doing. My eyes were fixed outside at the rain. I stood there for a moment. Then I left the door as it was and stepped outside into the balcony.

The balcony had a metal railing but no shade. The rain was pouring into the balcony and it was slowly being converted into a pool – the small outlet along the side of the balcony was inefficient.

My feet made a splashing sound on the collected water as I slowly walked towards the railing. I held onto the wet railing, looked up at the pouring sky and closed my eyes.

The raindrops began washing my face … my body …… my soul.

Then I lowered my face and looked around. The rain was touching everything in sight. The rainwater drained from the top of the cottages, sliding down as small rivulets along the sides of the roofs and splashed against the road beneath in a brief ‘waterfall’. The streetlights seemed dimmer than usual as the glass panes covering the electric bulbs were coated with a thin covering of water. The asphalt road was clean of everything – men and cars – but was smeared by a thin sheet of rainwater. The scenery was beautiful!

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE RAIN?” someone shouted at me from behind. I turned around to see my mother, as I had expected, standing in front of the door. And before I could utter a word, I was sitting wrapped up in a blanket with a cup of steaming coffee in my hand in front of the fireplace, my hair just blown dry by the hair dryer.

Well, I didn’t have to wait long to get company. Soon father was also sitting in front of the fireplace in the same outfit as me, who had been welcomed home with a shriek as soon as my mother answered the doorbell. At first, I felt embarrassed but I realized that father was much more embarrassed than I was; that made me feel better.

Sipping from our coffee cups, we discussed how our days had gone. Father told me that today he just got a small glimpse of how much work is to done. He also said that it was not possible to say how long it might take to get the new branch up and about. I told him that I went about the village and saw the place a little and I liked it. I didn’t mention about Lisa. I didn’t know why.

Later, mother called us and after giving us a good five-minute lecture asked us to finish the dinner fast and go to bed quickly. So we finished our dinner quite fast, as we didn’t need another dose of mother’s lecture.

Nature: An Immortal Night

I turned my hand slowly as if the moonlight flowing through the window opposed any disturbance in its pristine ubiquity. The soft, cool breeze suddenly diluted the moon's overpowering grasp over the night. The night belonged to none.

I folded my arms and lay straight, looking up at the starry sky through the window by my berth. They looked so distant yet so familiar like I've known them for eras and will continue such for generations to come. Not only the stars, but the occasional silhouettes of trees by the tracks seemed to call out to me, asking "Remember me?" Sure I did.

Every nightly element brought alive rusted memories of a journey I would always love to relive. Her eyes reflecting the stars, her smile shared by the singing winds, her hair dancing to the melody of the whizzing trees, her touch as resonating as the gently rocking train, her kiss as sublime as Night's soul. A night as immortal as night itself.

I Loved You

Can't you see that I'm standing here,
Waiting here for you 'coz I care,
But you wait a bit little more
And assure if my heart is yet sore

But here I am
Still here,
With my arms wide
To hold you near

But you just stand there
Waiting,
Watching,
Thinking,
Judging

Are you still not
Ready
To trust me,
Can't you see
I'm yours to be

Now I start to walk out the door,
I can't stand the indifference anymore,
You then only start to follow
Confused and surprised to see me go

But I can't stop
My bleeding heart,
And I leave a trail
As I depart

And you then start to
Beg me
Not to leave,
But this time
I'm ready

But now I am
Strong to
Forget you,
Forgive you,
Leave you

Even though you never
Felt me,
I finally
Believe that it
Wasn't meant to be

Before I go
I want to
Tell you
I loved you,
Will always do

My First Novel: Chapter 9

Previous: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8

9

Meanwhile the cloud to the east had slowly crept over us. It looked as if a huge shadow had descended on us and was obstructing the moonlight from reaching us. The stars were also not visible. A quick, cold and moist wind blew over the hill rustling the leaves overhead. The night became suddenly cold. It didn’t seem that it was a summer night.

Lisa looked up at the sky and said, “Oh God, we have to get back quickly.” I asked, “Why?” and the sky answered my query. A lightning struck somewhere near and was followed by an ear-splitting roar of a thunder. And as a spontaneous effect, my palms shielded my ears. Then I knew what Lisa meant.

“Do you have a bicycle?” she asked.

“At home.”

She looked tensed. “Can you carry someone in a bicycle?”

“I did once. Can’t you?”

“No,” she said humbly and stood up. She ran towards her bicycle. I followed. She then hit the stand of the bike up and holding it she said, “Drive it. I will sit on the back seat.” I was stunned at the proposal. I wanted to say that I had carried my friend once, but we had fell down miserably, with the bicycle crashing on top of us. After that we were not able to leave the bed for one whole week! I was dangerous! That dangerous! But before I could commit that, Lisa said, “Come on. Quick.”

Unable to think of anything to say to her so as not to freak her out than she already was, I ascended the bicycle, and so did she. I placed one of my feet on one pedal, the other resting against the ground. I paused, uncertain for a moment. I didn’t want to hurt her. Suddenly she cried out, “Quick” and a thunder struck somewhere behind us. And as a result of so much energy (her cry and the thunder) absorbed by me, I pushed against the pedal not knowing what I was doing. At first I thought I would fall along with Lisa. But I was able to regain my balance quickly and pedaled fast. Pedaling fast helps to maintain balance. And so I was able to retain my balance, our balance. I pedaled faster and faster till I reached a fantastic speed. We whizzed through the meadow. It seemed as if we were participating in a Formula One Racing Championship!

The lightning struck again and again behind and around us as if threatening us to leave the hills. It seemed that as if it was raining lightning and thunder instead of water! A lightning struck so near us that I was able to see it strike from the corner of my eye. I knew what would follow, but I was unable to use my hands to stop it as my sweaty hands were clasping onto the handles of the bicycle. A deafening thunder followed. For a moment I thought that I had become deaf. But another thunder, far away, made me realize that my eardrums were still intact. I kicked at the pedals madly. I did not want to be hit by lightning. And I knew for sure, Lisa also did not.

Soon the school was in sight. I slowed down a little but was again speeded up by another lightning. My legs were getting tired of carrying the weight but I still pushed on. The bridge rattled as we crossed it. The thunder was now faint but I still cycled fast up the road. Then I slowed down.

I allowed the bicycle to roll up to my house, as it came in view. Then I pressed on the brakes and the cycle screeched to a stop in front of the blue door. I placed my tired feet on the ground balancing the cycle on my two legs. I rested my elbows on the handles, my hands hanging loosely down. I also hung my head down. I was breathing very fast and my heart was hammering against my ribs. Then I raised my head up and turned my head around to make sure that Lisa was still there on the bicycle. She was still sitting on the back seat. She looked totally dazed. But she recovered quickly and hopped down from the carrier. The bicycle suddenly seemed lighter. Then taking a deep sigh I descended from the cycle. She held it and I let it go. She smiled vaguely and said, “Thanks.” I also smiled and, without knowing what I was saying, I suddenly said, “Same to you.” She was taken aback and raised her eyebrows as if asking why I said such a (stupid) thing. I, thinking of giving it a much sensible meaning, made it still sillier by saying, “For lending your bicycle.”

She smiled awkwardly. I quickly changed the subject, “So when shall we meet again?”

“I think we can meet tomorrow at the park. Do you know it?”

“No.”

“Okay, then I will come over to your house tomorrow at ten in the morning. From there we can go to the park.”

“Okay, then. See you tomorrow,” I smiled and extended my hand. She smiled back and accepted my hand. Her hand felt cold as ice.

Next: Chapter 10

Nature: An Afternoon Reverie

The earth pauses in its midday stance dazed by the sheer warmth of the shining sun as I walk out of the examination hall early and alone, while others are busy trying to impress their mentors in hope of a better pointer this semester. But my mind is not polluted by these thoughts. I feel free as the tepid afternoon breeze.

I clutch onto my bag strap and walk slowly into the warm sunlight and fall right into a lucid afternoon dream. Time stops. A walk back to my empty hostel room seems as eternal as the sun itself.

The simmering air on the asphalt makes the lonesome road glisten like an ethereal lake and I feel like a solitary sailor embarking on a journey across a supernal ocean. A journey for happiness, for peace, for that perfect someone. The destination is invisible but appears as tangible as the smothering sunshine. But the journey itself seems more seductive than the goal.