Nov 25, 2011

Reverie (Part 1)



The stars were twinkling softly as she lay quietly on the grass. The breeze carried the sweet intoxicating smell of the night. The silvery glow of the dancing grass made the hill look enchanted. The soft rustling of the leaves of the nearby trees were in exact tune with the melodious whine of the gentle wind. The valley beneath lay tranquil; the lake rippling to the wind quietly. Faraway the mountain range lay lost in the foggy darkness. The moon quietly reigned over the mesmerizing landscape.

It was her favourite place. The only place where she could escape to; she loved to escape to. Every night she would come here and look up at the stars. And she would stop worrying. Stop thinking. She would smile.

And she would remember him. And how if he had been here everything would've been different. How she would have been happy again.

Nov 5, 2011

Night of no regrets


Tide rises as the sun does set,
On these sands of age-old bonds,
Tonight there'll be no regrets,
As we travel apart far beyond.

Holding hands for one last time,
We look far off at the dying day,
Like memories past, it feels sublime,
A little more time, we both now crave.

Oblivious to the hurting hues,
We remind ourselves of the love and laughs,
Which will in spite of every bruise,
Find their way to our epitaphs.

Calling has come, we have to leave,
With leadened cores, and smile of lies,
A pair of hearts surrender to grieve,
But tacit sorrow the face defies.

Sep 24, 2011

A Thousand Stars



Thousand stars, not one so bright,
To light my way through the darkest night,
But only your love, home did me guide.

To everyone and all I might seem strong,
However only I do know it to be wrong,
In truth 'twas your faith in me all along.

A thousand stars,
Yet not one so bright,
My path to light,
Through the darkest night.

But with you by me,
By my side,
You give me might,
To fight my fight.

You hug me close,
And hold me tight,
And all my fright,
Into ashes ignite.

You assure me that,
It'll be alright,
All in spite,
Of the dismaying sight.

I close my eyes,
And open to see,
You fade to white,
Evanescing away.

I try to catch,
And not let go,
But all despite,
You fade away.

I feel your love,
And you in me,
I'm born again,
For the final fight.

A thousand stars,
Built by your faith,
Give me strength,
Through my darkest night.

Jun 14, 2011

An Ode to a Lost Friend

A long-lost friend, in a long-lost time,
A friendship so immortal,
Memories are still fresh but,
It feels so unreal, so sublime.

We laughed away without a care,
Of your futures unaware,
We talked our hearts out,
And nothing did we fear.

You gave me strength and stood by me,
When no one else was there,
But I wasn't there to save,
You from your misery.
And I'm sorry.

Guilt is my alias, shadow my soul,
I should've been there,
But now its too late,
Our friendship's now a ghoul.

A chance of redemption, forgiveness
I would certainly die for,
But I know God's not merciful,
To bless me with such completeness.

So many words left unsaid, so many,
Memories were to be made,
A friendship unseen,
But now I'm left alone on my knees.

I still remember your face so happy,
You trials to cheer me up,
Why wasn't I there?
To save you, to help you remain so.

I can only blame myself, that's all I can do,
But I promise one last thing,
My friend, forever shall I,
Worship our friendship with a heart true.

I'm sorry.

Jun 4, 2011

Snow


I took one step forward
And you took one step back
I'm not sure that you're ready
To pick up where we left off

I'm sorry I know and so do you
My life has been not so easy
To find myself I had to let you go
But believe me I did so with a promise

To come back for you
And even if you don't believe
It has been always so
I had to become me
To be with you

As I stand in the ruins alone
Of what had been once special
I realize what I let go to earn back
But I guess its too late to apologize

You're right to forget and not forgive
It was over the day I left
It was over when I tried to build for it
It was over when I promised to come back

Come back to you
And even if you don't believe
It has been always so
I had to become me
To be with you

And now I come back to an empty house
You've left with the fall
And its been snowing since
I'm cold but have no one to hold

Maybe this wasn't worth everything
To win, one has to lose
But never did it cross me
To win you I have to lose you

The snow is now too deep for me to walk
I have to give up, my feet buried deep
I wish I could see you one last time
Memories snow down heavy and soft
Like darkness they settle over me
Cold smiles warmly and I smile back
I wish I could see you one last time
Before I leave

Image Courtesy - http://goo.gl/uOCRp

Mar 24, 2011

Rust


Inside me an empty hollow resounds throughout,
I stare around with empty eyes unable to cry out,
The pain that has been haunting me since ages,
Eats me away slowly as the rusted war still rages.
I see you in front of me, and everybody else,
As my heart burns silently and my wound revels,
In injury but I still smile and let you know I'm fine,
Because I know that the suffering should all be mine.

I have myself only to blame,
For my invisible tears,
And I don't feel ashamed to claim,
To have surrendered to my own fears.
The fear of losing you,
Keeps me within me,
And if only I had a clue,
True to you I would be.

The chasm that separates us is too vast,
To be bridged with ease and so fast,
But I promise you that even though I can't let you in,
I would tirelessly never stop fighting from within.
I can't let my ghosts haunt you,
And make you fight against things you would never do.
My heart is pure I can assure,
But I'm not sure I can find a cure.

But now I take a stand and begin to fight,
I can't lose you, I have lost enough,
But my shadow is too strong for my might,
And I fall down to an endless night above.

I lose my senses, I lose me now,
But I've to stay awake; awake somehow,
You look worried and hold my hand,
And I know I won't lose, no I can't.
I pick myself up, firm my resolve,
With your touch my courage evolves,
Then you look, and smile at me,
And I know what I have to be.

A warrior who has to bury his past,
And have to start a life anew,
With you, my love, I can be at last,
The man in me that you always knew.

Mar 16, 2011

My First Novel: Chapter 10

Previous: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9


10

It began to rain as soon as I entered my room, after finishing my dinner. My heart was still beating vigorously. It became faster as the raindrops beat harder on the roof. I sat on the bed for a moment looking out of the window. I realized the fact that the windows were open and the rain was coming in after a long time. I got up quickly and shut the gaping window close. Then I went for the other two windows – one on the opposite wall looking at the backyard below, and the other overlooking the balcony. Then I lunged for the balcony door from where a steady brook of rainwater was flowing into the room, as it lacked a threshold.

I caught hold of the door, but I suddenly stopped doing what I was doing. My eyes were fixed outside at the rain. I stood there for a moment. Then I left the door as it was and stepped outside into the balcony.

The balcony had a metal railing but no shade. The rain was pouring into the balcony and it was slowly being converted into a pool – the small outlet along the side of the balcony was inefficient.

My feet made a splashing sound on the collected water as I slowly walked towards the railing. I held onto the wet railing, looked up at the pouring sky and closed my eyes.

The raindrops began washing my face … my body …… my soul.

Then I lowered my face and looked around. The rain was touching everything in sight. The rainwater drained from the top of the cottages, sliding down as small rivulets along the sides of the roofs and splashed against the road beneath in a brief ‘waterfall’. The streetlights seemed dimmer than usual as the glass panes covering the electric bulbs were coated with a thin covering of water. The asphalt road was clean of everything – men and cars – but was smeared by a thin sheet of rainwater. The scenery was beautiful!

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE RAIN?” someone shouted at me from behind. I turned around to see my mother, as I had expected, standing in front of the door. And before I could utter a word, I was sitting wrapped up in a blanket with a cup of steaming coffee in my hand in front of the fireplace, my hair just blown dry by the hair dryer.

Well, I didn’t have to wait long to get company. Soon father was also sitting in front of the fireplace in the same outfit as me, who had been welcomed home with a shriek as soon as my mother answered the doorbell. At first, I felt embarrassed but I realized that father was much more embarrassed than I was; that made me feel better.

Sipping from our coffee cups, we discussed how our days had gone. Father told me that today he just got a small glimpse of how much work is to done. He also said that it was not possible to say how long it might take to get the new branch up and about. I told him that I went about the village and saw the place a little and I liked it. I didn’t mention about Lisa. I didn’t know why.

Later, mother called us and after giving us a good five-minute lecture asked us to finish the dinner fast and go to bed quickly. So we finished our dinner quite fast, as we didn’t need another dose of mother’s lecture.

Mar 14, 2011

Nature: An Immortal Night


I turned my hand slowly as if the moonlight flowing through the window opposed any disturbance in its pristine ubiquity. The soft, cool breeze suddenly diluted the moon's overpowering grasp over the night. The night belonged to none.

I folded my arms and lay straight, looking up at the starry sky through the window by my berth. They looked so distant yet so familiar like I've known them for eras and will continue such for generations to come. Not only the stars, but the occasional silhouettes of trees by the tracks seemed to call out to me, asking "Remember me?" Sure I did.

Every nightly element brought alive rusted memories of a journey I would always love to relive. Her eyes reflecting the stars, her smile shared by the singing winds, her hair dancing to the melody of the whizzing trees, her touch as resonating as the gently rocking train, her kiss as sublime as Night's soul. A night as immortal as night itself.

Mar 10, 2011

I Loved You


Can't you see that I'm standing here,
Waiting here for you 'coz I care,
But you wait a bit little more
And assure if my heart is yet sore

But here I am
Still here,
With my arms wide
To hold you near

But you just stand there
Waiting,
Watching,
Thinking,
Judging

Are you still not
Ready
To trust me,
Can't you see
I'm yours to be

Now I start to walk out the door,
I can't stand the indifference anymore,
You then only start to follow
Confused and surprised to see me go

But I can't stop
My bleeding heart,
And I leave a trail
As I depart

And you then start to
Beg me
Not to leave,
But this time
I'm ready

But now I am
Strong to
Forget you,
Forgive you,
Leave you

Even though you never
Felt me,
I finally
Believe that it
Wasn't meant to be

Before I go
I want to
Tell you
I loved you,
Will always do

Mar 5, 2011

My First Novel: Chapter 9

Previous: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8

9

Meanwhile the cloud to the east had slowly crept over us. It looked as if a huge shadow had descended on us and was obstructing the moonlight from reaching us. The stars were also not visible. A quick, cold and moist wind blew over the hill rustling the leaves overhead. The night became suddenly cold. It didn’t seem that it was a summer night.

Lisa looked up at the sky and said, “Oh God, we have to get back quickly.” I asked, “Why?” and the sky answered my query. A lightning struck somewhere near and was followed by an ear-splitting roar of a thunder. And as a spontaneous effect, my palms shielded my ears. Then I knew what Lisa meant.

“Do you have a bicycle?” she asked.

“At home.”

She looked tensed. “Can you carry someone in a bicycle?”

“I did once. Can’t you?”

“No,” she said humbly and stood up. She ran towards her bicycle. I followed. She then hit the stand of the bike up and holding it she said, “Drive it. I will sit on the back seat.” I was stunned at the proposal. I wanted to say that I had carried my friend once, but we had fell down miserably, with the bicycle crashing on top of us. After that we were not able to leave the bed for one whole week! I was dangerous! That dangerous! But before I could commit that, Lisa said, “Come on. Quick.”

Unable to think of anything to say to her so as not to freak her out than she already was, I ascended the bicycle, and so did she. I placed one of my feet on one pedal, the other resting against the ground. I paused, uncertain for a moment. I didn’t want to hurt her. Suddenly she cried out, “Quick” and a thunder struck somewhere behind us. And as a result of so much energy (her cry and the thunder) absorbed by me, I pushed against the pedal not knowing what I was doing. At first I thought I would fall along with Lisa. But I was able to regain my balance quickly and pedaled fast. Pedaling fast helps to maintain balance. And so I was able to retain my balance, our balance. I pedaled faster and faster till I reached a fantastic speed. We whizzed through the meadow. It seemed as if we were participating in a Formula One Racing Championship!

The lightning struck again and again behind and around us as if threatening us to leave the hills. It seemed that as if it was raining lightning and thunder instead of water! A lightning struck so near us that I was able to see it strike from the corner of my eye. I knew what would follow, but I was unable to use my hands to stop it as my sweaty hands were clasping onto the handles of the bicycle. A deafening thunder followed. For a moment I thought that I had become deaf. But another thunder, far away, made me realize that my eardrums were still intact. I kicked at the pedals madly. I did not want to be hit by lightning. And I knew for sure, Lisa also did not.

Soon the school was in sight. I slowed down a little but was again speeded up by another lightning. My legs were getting tired of carrying the weight but I still pushed on. The bridge rattled as we crossed it. The thunder was now faint but I still cycled fast up the road. Then I slowed down.

I allowed the bicycle to roll up to my house, as it came in view. Then I pressed on the brakes and the cycle screeched to a stop in front of the blue door. I placed my tired feet on the ground balancing the cycle on my two legs. I rested my elbows on the handles, my hands hanging loosely down. I also hung my head down. I was breathing very fast and my heart was hammering against my ribs. Then I raised my head up and turned my head around to make sure that Lisa was still there on the bicycle. She was still sitting on the back seat. She looked totally dazed. But she recovered quickly and hopped down from the carrier. The bicycle suddenly seemed lighter. Then taking a deep sigh I descended from the cycle. She held it and I let it go. She smiled vaguely and said, “Thanks.” I also smiled and, without knowing what I was saying, I suddenly said, “Same to you.” She was taken aback and raised her eyebrows as if asking why I said such a (stupid) thing. I, thinking of giving it a much sensible meaning, made it still sillier by saying, “For lending your bicycle.”

She smiled awkwardly. I quickly changed the subject, “So when shall we meet again?”

“I think we can meet tomorrow at the park. Do you know it?”

“No.”

“Okay, then I will come over to your house tomorrow at ten in the morning. From there we can go to the park.”

“Okay, then. See you tomorrow,” I smiled and extended my hand. She smiled back and accepted my hand. Her hand felt cold as ice.


Next: Chapter 10

Mar 3, 2011

Nature: An Afternoon Reverie



The earth pauses in its midday stance dazed by the sheer warmth of the shining sun as I walk out of the examination hall early and alone, while others are busy trying to impress their mentors in hope of a better pointer this semester. But my mind is not polluted by these thoughts. I feel free as the tepid afternoon breeze.

I clutch onto my bag strap and walk slowly into the warm sunlight and fall right into a lucid afternoon dream. Time stops. A walk back to my empty hostel room seems as eternal as the sun itself.

The simmering air on the asphalt makes the lonesome road glisten like an ethereal lake and I feel like a solitary sailor embarking on a journey across a supernal ocean. A journey for happiness, for peace, for that perfect someone. The destination is invisible but appears as tangible as the smothering sunshine. But the journey itself seems more seductive than the goal.

Feb 26, 2011

Savior


Quietly waiting
For the storm to settle,
Commiserating
The moments we've spent

And slowly, silently
The memories flood in,
I stay still, far away
The waves come rumbling in

Lying down I stare above,
The heavens shine 'pon me,
I think of you and smile
In spite of all the debris

And slowly, silently,
My eyes begin to cry,
I close my eyes, and touch you,
I start to feel so high

Why can't I forget you, betray you,
As you did to me?
Why I can't face you, hate you,
Why don't I still feel free?

And slowly, silently,
I wait for a savior,
For an angel, a light that
Will rescue me from despair

I know she will show up, wake up,
Just to reach out to me,
I know I will be rescued, forgiven,
For the things I never did,
But before that thank you, for making me
What I wasn't meant to be.

Feb 25, 2011

You Wish!


The attic door creaked open. Walking into the dark, it took a while for my eyes to adjust. The small room had a musty smell, which was quite suffocating. In the dim surroundings, I searched for the window and opened it. Sunlight burst into the room and revealed a dusty trunk snuggled in a corner. This was the object for which I had entered the dusty attic.

Shuffling through the various articles in the trunk, I looked desperately for the book. I had borrowed the book about three years back from my friend and had forgotten to return it. In the meantime our house was painted and so everything was messed up, bundled and dumped into the attic. Now, after three years, Sulagna wanted her book back desperately and had finally coaxed me into visiting the garret.

I finally found the book hidden under a wall clock whose hour hand was missing. As I dusted the book, a ring stuck in the mouth of a three-legged earthen frog caught my eye. I picked up the ring, but before I could examine it closely mom yelled from the dining room to inform me that lunch was ready. I put the ring into my pocket, closed the trunk and window and slammed the door behind me as I ran down the stairs.

“That’s strange,” remarked Sulagna, frowning at the peculiar ring. It consisted of a horrible face whose mouth had a greenish stone embedded in it. The eyes had a reddish tinge. “Why?” I asked. “No, actually I had seen a similar ring in some book on Chinese myths,” she replied. I raised my eyebrows questioningly. “It said that if you wore this ring then whatever you wished for would come true.” I looked at her suspiciously. “I don’t know. That’s what the book said,” said Sulagna, shrugging her shoulders. “Okay, let’s try it,” I said and grabbed the ring from her hand and slipped it down my third finger. “No, don’t,” protested Sulagna feebly. “Come on. Don’t worry, nothing will happen. If I wish for the Nimbus 2000 bicycle, will I get it? Don’t be silly.” “Still,” she said in a still weaker voice.

“Surprise!” exclaimed mother as she flung the front door open. I walked in and stopped dead in my tracks. There in front of me stood a brand new Nimbus 2000! “This is your birthday gift, as I had promised to give you after your exams,” said mom planting a kiss on my cheek. She was more excited than I was. I was, in fact, more bewildered than excited. I glanced at the ring fearfully. The green stone twinkled in the fluorescent light.

The history class was on and half the class had been put to sleep by the soothing voice of our teacher and the mind-numbing history of the Mughal Empire. “This is so boring,” sighed Sulagna. “Sure it is. I wish the school gives over now,” I yawned back. Just then a man entered the class and gave our history ma’am a notice and left. Mrs. Ghosh gave a puzzling look at the notice. After a minute of silence, which seemed hours to me, ma’am announced that the school would give over after the period because of some rally. Within the blink of an eyelid, the whole class was sitting up straight ready to take on the remaining Mughal Empire. Sulagna and I fixed our eyes at the ring on my finger. “You shouldn’t have done it,” whispered Sulagna.

“Why did you do it?” she asked furiously. “What?” I replied, trying to look innocent. “Why are you still wearing that ring?” “What happened today was just a mere coincidence. Yesterday it had been announced that today there would be a rally,” I tried to justify, “The ring has nothing to do with it.” She let out a sigh, a sign that she had given up. I took out the ring and stared at the monstrous face. As I marveled at the ring I held, she warned me, “Be careful, lest your wishes come true.” I so wish she wasn’t here, I thought frustrated. After I had finished my examination, I turned around to see that she had left.

I stood still outside the door to my room. I raised my arm and looking at the ring, I said, “I wish the door opens for me.” I stared at the door expecting something to happen. Nothing happened. Letting out a sigh, I opened the door myself and entered the room. I sat on the bed gazing at the ring. The magic has worn out, I thought sadly. I slipped it off and tossed it over into the wastepaper basket.

The phone rang disturbingly. I got up from my study table and ran for the phone. I picked up the receiver to hear Sulagna’s mother’s tensed voice. Sulagna hadn’t returned home yet. I looked at the wall clock to see that it was eight o’clock in the evening. I informed her that she had returned from school with me. Instead of comforting her, this made her more panicky.

Putting the receiver down, I sat down on the bed, worried. I tried to recall the last time I had seen Sulagna. Suddenly, to my horror, I remembered the wish I had made unknowingly when Sulagna was with me. In an instant, the dustbin was upturned and clean and the ring was in my hand. Wishing that it would work, I held my hand at the level of my eye and chanted, “I wish Sulagna is back home.” I said that nine more time as if to strengthen the spell. After waiting for about five tensed minutes, I rang up Sulagna’s mom, ready to hear the good news. But the situation had worsened. She nearly broke down on the telephone. Her father still hadn’t come home and her mom was feeling helpless. So did I.

I collapsed on the floor, my hands covering my face. I felt more sad than guilty. What have I done? I thought desperately, I wish I hadn’t asked for that dreadful thing. I wish she were here. Suddenly, I heard a rustle in my room. Raising my head, I saw the loveliest sight in my whole life – there she was standing at the door in her school dress, just as I had seen her the last time! Sulagna looked questioningly at me. As I slowly stood up, my mouth wide open, she started firing away, “What am I doing here? Is that the time? Why am I still in my school uniform? Why were you sitting on the floor? Are you crying? Will you tell me what is going on?” I smiled weakly at her, relieved and replied softly, “You wish!”

Feb 21, 2011

The Storm: Part Six

Previous: Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five

John turned his cruiser around the next corner and came onto the Wildrow Bridge. The bridge ran over Orin River which was the lifeline of the city. The countryside lay on the other side. Wildrow Bridge was considered as the city limit. No one generally travelled on foot across the bridge. It was a highway made especially for trucks and goods vehicles.

John drove his cruiser to the entrance of the bridge and slowly parked it near the narrow footpath, which was rarely used. He climbed out and started walking towards the low railing. It was cold. He tucked his right hand in his police jacket, a torch in his left. He looked over the railing and shone the torch down at the murky river. A strong current was flowing.

It must be the storm.

As he was about to turn around towards his vehicle, he had a sudden intuition that he should walk the whole length of the bridge. He had no idea, but he felt that he really needed to do it. His intuition had always been trustworthy to him, and he heeded. He started walking along the bridge towards the other end, shining his torch in front of him.

He noticed a figure near the middle of the bridge.

What the hell was someone doing here in the middle of the night in such bad weather?

He shuffled his torch to his right hand and slowly drew out his revolver, readying it with one hand. He had learnt the trick from Uncle George. As he slowly edged nearer he saw that it was a teenage boy, and he was standing on top of the railing getting ready to jump.

What in God’s name!

He quickened his pace, screaming aloud, “Freeze!” He seemed too preoccupied to listen.

“FREEZE!”

The boy slowly bent his knees, ready to jump.

God dammit!

He ran towards the boy and aimed to lunge at his legs, planning to knock him over in such a way that we would topple from the railing onto the highway and not on the other side.

The boy jumped backwards onto the highway instead of jumping forward. But John was already at full sprint and couldn’t possibly stop from colliding with the boy. The boy suddenly turned around, noticing John for the first time, and that too at a charging John, his eyes wide in surprise.

John hit him hard on the chest instead of his legs as he had intended, and he saw the boy fly about a meter or so before collapsing unconscious on the road.

Shit! John regretted that he hadn’t lost his touch.

***